Can numbers, money, calculations, and spreadsheets be an entry way into a spiritual practice?
Until recently my left-brain would quickly shut down this idea. Everything I have recently learned about spirituality seems to require closed eyes, feet planted into the ground, and special breathing. So, sitting in front of a computer looking over a bunch of money numbers doesn’t seem very spiritual.
Then, last week I had a moment of cloudy-clarity (yes, for me it is a thing) and started wondering if I actually have a stronger spiritual connection than I ever thought, I am just accessing my spirituality in a very different way from the methods I have been reading about and learning.
My twisting spiritual journey
Before my son was born I classified myself as a “recovering Anglican”. I had given up on the structured religious experience (I am confirmed Anglican, I can do the whole cracker and wine thing), I had spent some time in university as an Atheist (mostly because it seemed the “cool” thing to do as a science student), and had, by my late 20s landed on being Agnostic.
Definitely a believer that there is something out there, just not really sure what, and feeling like no one group of people has the “right” to say their version of the greater-power is more correct or real than the next guy’s version.
Soon after my son was born I was introduced to a new world (to me at least) of spirituality: the concept that spirit and spirituality don’t have to be associated with religion, punishment, and fighting, or even a clear understanding of who or what God is. I had begun to enter the woo-woo world of meditation and accepting spirit into my life in a more nebulous form from my upbringing.
Since that time I have tried to focus on my breath, used a practice called Remembrance, undergone guided meditations, used prayer beads, practiced mantras, worked with a guide, and done a lot of sleeping (I tend to doze off when I meditate).
I have had some success, and have managed to follow a regular spiritual practice, off and on, over the last few years. I have good weeks (and rarely months) but for the most part I struggle with my spiritual practice and clearing my head of all thoughts, or focusing all of my thoughts while meditating (depending on the type of meditation).
It just hasn’t clicked. At least that is what I thought until last week.